I totally am stealing this from the Red Wheel site - I think a lot of StL people can very much appreciate this... especially if you've ever been on an FBC ride. Or at least, one of the more recent FBC rides.
Hipsters discussing CX:
This weekend will be a departure for most of us - no outside drinks means we might have to have a Chablis-handoff or too. Stemware might be a bad idea...
-Casey F. Ryback
20091119
20091116
St. Vincent CX - Can we do it again?
Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Fan! If you heeded my advice from the other day telling you to stay home from this week's Bubba CX race due to the extreme difficulty, then you may have made the right decision. I mean, it was really, really, really hard. Like porno-hard. But it wasn't just hard. It had big climbs, and they were soft. There were a lot of turns, and they were tight. There was deep mud, and it was fucked. There was speed, and it was fast. There were a lot of trees, and they made for nice scenery. In fact, the only thing that today's Bubba Race didn't have that would have completed the whole Euro-experience was cold rain. (But from someone who was helping set everything up and take everything down, I'm very thankful for the lack of rain.) Only a person with true legs of Quantanium could dominate this course.
St. Vincent County Park is located up on the St. Charles Rock Road, in an area that you probably don't go. The park is super nice, and it was quite obvious during our scouting mission that it was going to make for the best course yet this season. There are tons of features that can be used - a magical staircase straight outta' Harry Potter, endless windy open tree sections, sandpits (yes, more than one), some pavement, moar elevation change than you can shake a can of Batter Blaster at, and a metaphorical black hole which is used to suck the soul right out of you.
With a little bit of inter-team hype about this place, we had a strong showing of out own dark minions on the starting lines. In the SS race, Jonathan Cold, Punchor, T-tocs and Masson entered into glorious battle, only to find that it would have been easier to just pay the $20 race fee to a prison guard and have him just pummel your face along with the your t'aint for 45 minutes. In the B Race, Gino and myself duked it out; and by duked it out, I mean he lapped me. Of course, The Professor also had office hours during the A Race.
The day started out early. This means I woke up to use the bathroom over 2 hours before my alarm was to go off (around 3:50am), and upon laying back down, I started thinking about course routing, and before I knew it, it was time to get up. Awesome. Get up to the park, and with the help of Mike, Surly Merli, Devin, and Patrick, we had a good course marked out just in time for the XC run to start. But then Mike suggested that we extend the course up the hill for the bike race. (So blame that last wrist-snapping climb up to the trees and then onto the street right before the finish line on him.)
I was seething at the thought of what would be going through people's minds when they first cross the single barrier and looked up at the stairs that lead to the old hospital-turned-community-center. I envisioned horrific gnashing of teeth and gears - perhaps people stopping and mindlessly pulling their hair out, wailing uncontrollably. But no - they liked it! I expected to have people coming through the start/finish area flipping me off, but no - just that pain-cave determination that sez "This is fucking awesome, I'm going to snap the shit out of this course!"
Punchor and Mr. Cold were observed trading punches in the SS race, and I watched them and the rest of our squad churn up the wooded trail into brownies, setting it up nicely for us in the B race. I was racing in the B's simply by default, having been too busy prior to the SS race to be ready. Gino however, belongs at the head of this race, which he was. When he lapped me at the end of the race, my body was in the process of rejecting all of it's organs and muscles via my mouth, and he was out the saddle chasing down his nearest opponent.
Since my camera seems to have gotten scared of all the awesomeness that I put it through, it has hidden itself from me. So these photos are courtesy of MikeD and DennisF:
I don't think that this photo does the full staircase justice, as it is only part of it.
LC makes a great showing on his 2nd CX racer evar!
Zach is usually used to races lasting 12 times as long as this one did.
Boz has been off the CX bike for so long that it looks like he may have forgotten how to handle adverse conditions.
Fun fact: A lot of that mud was actually caused by fluid leaking out of my own wrists. I mean, there wasn't that much moisture there before the races started...
Boz must have decided to wait up for me, because we ended up man-training for the last lap and a half along with Bill from Mesa. (You may have mistaken Bill on Halloween for Matt James.)
I'd like to think that the A racers were trembling with fear after having watched the rest of us turn ourselves inside out on this course but I know bettar than that. These guys are serious business. Some moar photos:
What a cool shot of Alex, going Michael Jordan style!
The Professor, mid-lecture.
I think this may be the most "metal" shot of the day - Schottler climbing towards the ominous former hospital...
Wait a sec, didn't I somehow beat Furby at the Bubba #3, and now he's mixing it up with the A's?
Can all roadies do that?
Professor eats this shit up - one of the only dudes to actually smile as we slogged his way through the slop!
The pros might not do this, but this truly is how you get to be St. Louis-Pro-As-Fuck (STLPAF).
Too bad Mr. Pain himself, Jeff Yielding, wasn't able to attend this week. It would have been interesting to see his reaction. This whole experience leads me to believe that anyone who enjoys - truly enjoys - this cyclocross thing might have something wrong with them, such as this guy:
"Soon, my pretties..."
Be there next weekend - where the course will actually go through the bar. You think I'm joking?
-Casey F. Ryback
St. Vincent County Park is located up on the St. Charles Rock Road, in an area that you probably don't go. The park is super nice, and it was quite obvious during our scouting mission that it was going to make for the best course yet this season. There are tons of features that can be used - a magical staircase straight outta' Harry Potter, endless windy open tree sections, sandpits (yes, more than one), some pavement, moar elevation change than you can shake a can of Batter Blaster at, and a metaphorical black hole which is used to suck the soul right out of you.
With a little bit of inter-team hype about this place, we had a strong showing of out own dark minions on the starting lines. In the SS race, Jonathan Cold, Punchor, T-tocs and Masson entered into glorious battle, only to find that it would have been easier to just pay the $20 race fee to a prison guard and have him just pummel your face along with the your t'aint for 45 minutes. In the B Race, Gino and myself duked it out; and by duked it out, I mean he lapped me. Of course, The Professor also had office hours during the A Race.
The day started out early. This means I woke up to use the bathroom over 2 hours before my alarm was to go off (around 3:50am), and upon laying back down, I started thinking about course routing, and before I knew it, it was time to get up. Awesome. Get up to the park, and with the help of Mike, Surly Merli, Devin, and Patrick, we had a good course marked out just in time for the XC run to start. But then Mike suggested that we extend the course up the hill for the bike race. (So blame that last wrist-snapping climb up to the trees and then onto the street right before the finish line on him.)
I was seething at the thought of what would be going through people's minds when they first cross the single barrier and looked up at the stairs that lead to the old hospital-turned-community-center. I envisioned horrific gnashing of teeth and gears - perhaps people stopping and mindlessly pulling their hair out, wailing uncontrollably. But no - they liked it! I expected to have people coming through the start/finish area flipping me off, but no - just that pain-cave determination that sez "This is fucking awesome, I'm going to snap the shit out of this course!"
Punchor and Mr. Cold were observed trading punches in the SS race, and I watched them and the rest of our squad churn up the wooded trail into brownies, setting it up nicely for us in the B race. I was racing in the B's simply by default, having been too busy prior to the SS race to be ready. Gino however, belongs at the head of this race, which he was. When he lapped me at the end of the race, my body was in the process of rejecting all of it's organs and muscles via my mouth, and he was out the saddle chasing down his nearest opponent.
Since my camera seems to have gotten scared of all the awesomeness that I put it through, it has hidden itself from me. So these photos are courtesy of MikeD and DennisF:
I don't think that this photo does the full staircase justice, as it is only part of it.
LC makes a great showing on his 2nd CX racer evar!
Zach is usually used to races lasting 12 times as long as this one did.
Boz has been off the CX bike for so long that it looks like he may have forgotten how to handle adverse conditions.
Fun fact: A lot of that mud was actually caused by fluid leaking out of my own wrists. I mean, there wasn't that much moisture there before the races started...Boz must have decided to wait up for me, because we ended up man-training for the last lap and a half along with Bill from Mesa. (You may have mistaken Bill on Halloween for Matt James.)
I'd like to think that the A racers were trembling with fear after having watched the rest of us turn ourselves inside out on this course but I know bettar than that. These guys are serious business. Some moar photos:
What a cool shot of Alex, going Michael Jordan style!
The Professor, mid-lecture.
I think this may be the most "metal" shot of the day - Schottler climbing towards the ominous former hospital...
Wait a sec, didn't I somehow beat Furby at the Bubba #3, and now he's mixing it up with the A's?
Can all roadies do that?
Professor eats this shit up - one of the only dudes to actually smile as we slogged his way through the slop!
The pros might not do this, but this truly is how you get to be St. Louis-Pro-As-Fuck (STLPAF).Too bad Mr. Pain himself, Jeff Yielding, wasn't able to attend this week. It would have been interesting to see his reaction. This whole experience leads me to believe that anyone who enjoys - truly enjoys - this cyclocross thing might have something wrong with them, such as this guy:
"Soon, my pretties..."Be there next weekend - where the course will actually go through the bar. You think I'm joking?
-Casey F. Ryback
HOLY SHIT
This photo pretty much sums up how awesorme yesterdays cx race was. I am sure Coach will put up a full post, but till then enjoy this pic of Drewby gettin' dirty!
Storm
20091113
Get Ready, Bitches!
Greetings. I just wanted to let it be known that if you are planning on competing in this Sunday's edition of the Bubba Cross series, don't. It will be much too hard. Seriously, you might just want to go home, grab a couple of Smirnoff Ices, and curl up on the couch while watching whatever is on the Lifetime Movie Network. It will be a course that will defy all logic. St. Vincent, whom St. Vincent Park is named after, is said to be a logician, among other things. I'm pretty sure that if asked about this Sunday's race, he would probably say something like this: "A logical person wouldn't even set foot upon that race course, unless of course they were a huge fucking jerk."
Things you might encounter at this race: grinding climbs, stair-sections the likes of which you've nevar seen, sand pits (filled with sand from 1000 sandy vajayjays), twisty tree-lined descents, off-camber fence-lines, snake pits, flame throwers, mine fields, and vicious attack-kites:
No really. Don't do this race. Especially those Red Wheel jerks - I know they definitely don't want to get involved with anything THAT hard. They'd rather be partying with this guy and his shirt:
In other news, there is a race that has come to our attention, and we might just have to do it. Link here.
Prepapre your goddamned minds. (And drink moar coffee stout.)
-Casey F. Ryback
Things you might encounter at this race: grinding climbs, stair-sections the likes of which you've nevar seen, sand pits (filled with sand from 1000 sandy vajayjays), twisty tree-lined descents, off-camber fence-lines, snake pits, flame throwers, mine fields, and vicious attack-kites:
No really. Don't do this race. Especially those Red Wheel jerks - I know they definitely don't want to get involved with anything THAT hard. They'd rather be partying with this guy and his shirt:
In other news, there is a race that has come to our attention, and we might just have to do it. Link here.
Prepapre your goddamned minds. (And drink moar coffee stout.)
-Casey F. Ryback
20091108
Bellafontaine Park CX
Team Seagal Loyalistas! We haven't had a ton of chatter on this "blorg" regarding all-out CX just yet, but don't let that fool you. I mean, holy shit - we're a little through the Bubba CX series, and our wrists are getting more and more tempered every day. Tempered with the dwindling weakness of our opponents and fueled by PBR, brats and chilli, we soldier on despite warm summer-like temperatures.
We have seen extended climbing at Jefferson Barracks, mud/costumes/pain at Creve Coeur Lake, ground as soft as Michael McDonald (formerly of Doobie Brothers fame and now competing with Kenny G at the Elevator Music Awards) at Faust Park, and now we've seen twisty, tire-brapping grass at Bellafontaine Park.
I lined up with the SS/C/Women race alongside Sasha Petrosevich, Jack Taggart, Jonathon Cold, The Great Punchor of Cocks, and a number of other notable adversaries. It wasn't long before the my day of waking up at 5AM, setting up the course and little eating or drinking caught up with me. I was getting passed left and right, only passing the guys who would wash out. I thought to myself, "OOOO-WEEE! why the shit did we have to go and make this course this hard?" Within 3 laps, my back pulled a Pizza-The-Hut and started eating itself to death. I was able to watch Cock Puncher chase down some floozy as they both passed my bloated carcass. Unfortunately, she was not a he and therefore did not have a cock to punch. I fought off the burning urge to dismount and "accidentally" fall onto some upturned wooden stakes. I also fought off Boob Jerkins, who made his nickname more clear as he was attacking me from behind...
It was not long after this photo was taken that he was disqualified for cheating due to unfair performance advantage.
There was one racer I managed to stay ahead of. You would have heard him coming from across the course, as he was breathing like a tortured dog in 120 degree heat. He passed me at one point before the Hermann-esque hillside, but I then managed to take that place back amidst a flurry of grunts and moans. I was running from him like a new inmate runs to protect his butthole. No photos were taken, but here is an artist's conception of the chase:
We got to see the Professor's Wife's new rare Kona, which was totally sweet. Speaking of the Professor, his skill with which he strikes deep into the heart of the A Class is mind-blowing. However, no one was safe from Butthead's late-race attack. He was lying in the pack much like a the razor Krusty-O sits in the box of regular Krusty-O's - just waiting to inflict a lot of pain, and you can't do anything about it. Meanwhile, the rest of us were spectating while riding down Jenkem River on the Cleveland Steamer, a ride onto which Drewballs was quick to hop.
Some photos of us in action (Thanks to Mike D.):
We did well, despite the presence of carbon tubular wheels/tires in the C Race - definitely where they are needed. Another dude who is doing sensationally is Jeff Yielding, taking 2nd today, and is riding up with teh big dogs this season. All the more reason to see what he has in store for us at the Missouri State Cyclocross Championships. He obviously is becoming more and more comfortable with un-ending pain, so this course he is concocting is a little intimidating. Rumor has it there will be starving zombie inmates roaming the course, and they will only want brains.
Stay tuned for info about CXMAS, the next non-race, and if we have anything to do with it, a small post-bubba cx series.
In the meantime, the Doctor has been very active lately with posting in his original blog which is located within the comments section of Robort's blog. It is enough to make your side split. Or your underpants split. Either way, you're a jerk and he is full of coffee and poo.
I'll leave you with some inspirational words of wisdom from Phil Collins: "Sussussudio!"
- Casey F. Ryback
We have seen extended climbing at Jefferson Barracks, mud/costumes/pain at Creve Coeur Lake, ground as soft as Michael McDonald (formerly of Doobie Brothers fame and now competing with Kenny G at the Elevator Music Awards) at Faust Park, and now we've seen twisty, tire-brapping grass at Bellafontaine Park.
I lined up with the SS/C/Women race alongside Sasha Petrosevich, Jack Taggart, Jonathon Cold, The Great Punchor of Cocks, and a number of other notable adversaries. It wasn't long before the my day of waking up at 5AM, setting up the course and little eating or drinking caught up with me. I was getting passed left and right, only passing the guys who would wash out. I thought to myself, "OOOO-WEEE! why the shit did we have to go and make this course this hard?" Within 3 laps, my back pulled a Pizza-The-Hut and started eating itself to death. I was able to watch Cock Puncher chase down some floozy as they both passed my bloated carcass. Unfortunately, she was not a he and therefore did not have a cock to punch. I fought off the burning urge to dismount and "accidentally" fall onto some upturned wooden stakes. I also fought off Boob Jerkins, who made his nickname more clear as he was attacking me from behind...
It was not long after this photo was taken that he was disqualified for cheating due to unfair performance advantage.
There was one racer I managed to stay ahead of. You would have heard him coming from across the course, as he was breathing like a tortured dog in 120 degree heat. He passed me at one point before the Hermann-esque hillside, but I then managed to take that place back amidst a flurry of grunts and moans. I was running from him like a new inmate runs to protect his butthole. No photos were taken, but here is an artist's conception of the chase:
We got to see the Professor's Wife's new rare Kona, which was totally sweet. Speaking of the Professor, his skill with which he strikes deep into the heart of the A Class is mind-blowing. However, no one was safe from Butthead's late-race attack. He was lying in the pack much like a the razor Krusty-O sits in the box of regular Krusty-O's - just waiting to inflict a lot of pain, and you can't do anything about it. Meanwhile, the rest of us were spectating while riding down Jenkem River on the Cleveland Steamer, a ride onto which Drewballs was quick to hop.
Some photos of us in action (Thanks to Mike D.):
We did well, despite the presence of carbon tubular wheels/tires in the C Race - definitely where they are needed. Another dude who is doing sensationally is Jeff Yielding, taking 2nd today, and is riding up with teh big dogs this season. All the more reason to see what he has in store for us at the Missouri State Cyclocross Championships. He obviously is becoming more and more comfortable with un-ending pain, so this course he is concocting is a little intimidating. Rumor has it there will be starving zombie inmates roaming the course, and they will only want brains.
Stay tuned for info about CXMAS, the next non-race, and if we have anything to do with it, a small post-bubba cx series.
In the meantime, the Doctor has been very active lately with posting in his original blog which is located within the comments section of Robort's blog. It is enough to make your side split. Or your underpants split. Either way, you're a jerk and he is full of coffee and poo.
I'll leave you with some inspirational words of wisdom from Phil Collins: "Sussussudio!"
- Casey F. Ryback
20091106
Masson's Major One
Greetings Team Seagal fan. Mason here to tell you all about our team issue CX bike, the Kona Major One! We here at the Seagal HQ have had these mean machines for a while now, but seeing that we are knee deep in the CX season already it's time for an introduction. All of us here have the same Frame and Fork, but we have each built ours to our own taste and riding style. As for me my Major One is my everyday commuter as well as my weekend warrior, so it had to be really tough and on the lighter side. Please enjoy some sub par pics of this not so sub par CX killer.
54cm Kona Race light Scandium Frame, Kona carbon cx fork, King headset, FSA cockpit, Paul brakes, Cane Creek brake levers, Selle flite saddle, Velocity Dyad rims with Surly hubs F&R, Sram Force crankset w 38x17 gearing, and the only pedals you ever need to buy my circa 2000 Time ATACS!
This bike was a super limited production in 2009 never even made it online, and anyone who has one should consider themselves very lucky. I love the paint, but take a look at the 2010 Major One Here......that paint looks like a good match for a certain badass team I know very well...I hope I have room for another!
My idea of a happy cx bike is one that is still pretty dirty, but after 10/31 Bubba I had to give it some love. Still left some dirt on there so the major always feels at home.
I can't say enough great things about this bike, and so far it has crushed everything I have thrown at it. It has unreal tire clearance and this winter it will be fitted with some super wide 42c tires front and rear for those snowy winter commutes/rides, and then it is going to take a stab at the 2010 Dirty Kanza this spring! Stay tuned for the 2009 series final Non Race Klondike Klimb, Krash, and Kong reschedule date, and don't forget 2009 CXmas is 12/20/09.
See you at Bubba this Sunday!
Storm
54cm Kona Race light Scandium Frame, Kona carbon cx fork, King headset, FSA cockpit, Paul brakes, Cane Creek brake levers, Selle flite saddle, Velocity Dyad rims with Surly hubs F&R, Sram Force crankset w 38x17 gearing, and the only pedals you ever need to buy my circa 2000 Time ATACS!
This bike was a super limited production in 2009 never even made it online, and anyone who has one should consider themselves very lucky. I love the paint, but take a look at the 2010 Major One Here......that paint looks like a good match for a certain badass team I know very well...I hope I have room for another!
My idea of a happy cx bike is one that is still pretty dirty, but after 10/31 Bubba I had to give it some love. Still left some dirt on there so the major always feels at home.
I can't say enough great things about this bike, and so far it has crushed everything I have thrown at it. It has unreal tire clearance and this winter it will be fitted with some super wide 42c tires front and rear for those snowy winter commutes/rides, and then it is going to take a stab at the 2010 Dirty Kanza this spring! Stay tuned for the 2009 series final Non Race Klondike Klimb, Krash, and Kong reschedule date, and don't forget 2009 CXmas is 12/20/09.
See you at Bubba this Sunday!
Storm
20091022
Only 365 Days Left!
After popping our Singlespeed World Championship cherry this year in Durango, the powers that be (a 4-on-4 basketball game) have decided that next year, it shall be held in New Zealand. I guess I'll have to get a passport. Oh yeah, and save up a shitload of money.
Check out their website, which is still in its infancy: HERE
My advice to you: be in New Zealand for that race. Of course, that is only the second best advice that you'll get today:
Do you have your Halloween Night CX costume picked out yet?
-Casey F. Ryback
Check out their website, which is still in its infancy: HERE
My advice to you: be in New Zealand for that race. Of course, that is only the second best advice that you'll get today:
Do you have your Halloween Night CX costume picked out yet?
-Casey F. Ryback
20091015
In lieu of Postponed Non-Race, Do a Workday
Greetings Team Seagal Loyalistas. Here at Team Seagal HQ, we put it to committee, and came to the conclusion that we are hoping that everyone is healing up well after last weekends' festivities down at the Council Bluff. We HAD this great idea planned out for this weekend at Klondike Park, the last mountain bike oriented Non-Race of the year. However, we must have improperly employed the yak semen, because the weather gods are not pleased. Hell, maybe it was something that someone did down at Burnin' that pissed them off - there is a lot of craziness that goes on there. Anyway, Klondike's trails have been closed for a while due to this shitty rain, so this one will have to be rescheduled. Stay tuned though, because this is a fun event, especially considering that Klondike is fun as shit.
Since you had most certainly already taken Saturday off, don't waste it! GORC could use your help in expanding the local trails. Check it out:
"GORC will be continuing the section of trail that was started last spring along the steep hillside at the North end of the park, heading out and around a peninsula, then exiting the woods opposite the playground area where the road splits into a 1-way loop. When the leaves drop this section will have scenic views of the lake and valley below.
When: Saturday, October 17 From 9am - 1pm (FREE LUNCH!) - Bike or Hike After !
Where: Upper Creve Coeur Lake Park (Entrance off Dorsett Rd - Follow signs to the meeting area at the North end of the park)
(See www.gorctrails.com/trails/mcrevecoeur.asp.com for directions and details of the park)
What to bring: Gloves, Sturdy shoes, eye protection, and something to drink on the trail.
GORC & St. Louis County Parks provide: Trail building tools, instructions on trail building, and safety guidelines
Please contact Sue Kuhnert at 314-615-8822 or email skuhnert@stlouisco.com if you plan to attend and post up here.
Volunteers will be rewarded with give-a-ways from Big Shark Bicycle Company and breakfast snacks and lunch are provided by St. Louis County Parks."
If you help build a trail, you have one more piece of ammo when complaining about equestrians by saying that they never help build trails "...like I do." Damn equestrians.
Don't fail at life like this guy:
By the way, let it be known that when referring to Council Bluff Lake, it is NOT to be pronounced or spelled "Council Bluffs." It is NOT a plural noun - it is singular! Only one lake. Council BLUFF. Too many people make this mistake, and if I'm going to have any kind of mission in life, it is to make this problem go away.
-Casey F. Ryback
Since you had most certainly already taken Saturday off, don't waste it! GORC could use your help in expanding the local trails. Check it out:
"GORC will be continuing the section of trail that was started last spring along the steep hillside at the North end of the park, heading out and around a peninsula, then exiting the woods opposite the playground area where the road splits into a 1-way loop. When the leaves drop this section will have scenic views of the lake and valley below.
When: Saturday, October 17 From 9am - 1pm (FREE LUNCH!) - Bike or Hike After !
Where: Upper Creve Coeur Lake Park (Entrance off Dorsett Rd - Follow signs to the meeting area at the North end of the park)
(See www.gorctrails.com/trails/mcrevecoeur.asp.com for directions and details of the park)
What to bring: Gloves, Sturdy shoes, eye protection, and something to drink on the trail.
GORC & St. Louis County Parks provide: Trail building tools, instructions on trail building, and safety guidelines
Please contact Sue Kuhnert at 314-615-8822 or email skuhnert@stlouisco.com if you plan to attend and post up here.
Volunteers will be rewarded with give-a-ways from Big Shark Bicycle Company and breakfast snacks and lunch are provided by St. Louis County Parks."
If you help build a trail, you have one more piece of ammo when complaining about equestrians by saying that they never help build trails "...like I do." Damn equestrians.
Don't fail at life like this guy:
By the way, let it be known that when referring to Council Bluff Lake, it is NOT to be pronounced or spelled "Council Bluffs." It is NOT a plural noun - it is singular! Only one lake. Council BLUFF. Too many people make this mistake, and if I'm going to have any kind of mission in life, it is to make this problem go away.
-Casey F. Ryback
20091012
2009 Burnin' at the Bluff!!!! "Don't be like that burnin'-ass, gas-ass sheep!"
Greetings to all Team Seagal Loyalistas, and fans of all things relating to racing at Council Bluff Lake! I don't need to tell you that this past weekend, there was a mass spiritual cleansing, otherwise known as the 2009 Burnin' at the Bluff Race, that took place down at Council Bluff. I, WE, everyone has been itching to do this race again. Shit, I had already started mentally preparing for this year's edition 5 minutes after I got home from LAST year's race. Mesa Cycles actually shuts down for a day in order to put on this race. It's that big of a deal. Holy shit.
We started the race mere mortals, and ending the race frozen, reborn, and with greater mental and physical fortitude than could have ever possibly been imagined by our weaker selves. Things overheard at our campsite:
Todd: "Geez, I've 'met more Chinamen' this weekend than I have in the past year total!"
Nico: "Not me..." (Business as usual for Mr. Asian Experience himself, Norcorn Torscornor.)
Team Seagal HQ saw fit to send *quite* the deployment to this year's race. A squad consisting of Gino, Professor Robert Burns, and myself (Casey F. Ryback) was at the front lines of the 12hr 3-man SS class, as well as another squad populated by the 1X1 Head himself, Punchor of Cocks, and 'Jonathon Cold'. Mustache Toscani once again took the path involving the most amount of pain in the 12hr Solo class, although this year he had company in the form of Masson Storm who figured that it wouldn't be painful enough to simply join Opus Dei and start a regimen of self-flagellation. So instead, why not ride around Council Bluff for 12 hours? The female half of Team Trail Monster was fighting the good fight in the 12hr Women's Solo category, and let us not forget the other half of Team Trail Monster joining in the 3-man Big Boy Class with two buddies. All in all, we had 10 soldiers racing, with Marshall Lawson and Forrest Taft giving new meaning to the term "manning the aid station" down at the boat ramp. I'll just say that you could get much more than just aid down there. And let's not forget our very important and very supportive friend and Pabst rep, Dave Aholt - from whom, many things are made possible. (Was that too biblical?)
There are many people (mostly people who didn't race) whining about how sloppy it would probably be, and how cold it would get. Coincidentally, that caused me to start whining about how sandy their vuh-jay-jays looked. Sure, Friday (and Saturday) night it got pretty cold, but let's be honest - transcendence into glory does not come easily, and these are only some of the small trials that all racers must face on the path that leads to the glorious halls of infamy.
I got there late, having not stopped at the beloved porno shack on the way down, just in time to party down. A few hours of sleep later, I awoke to sound of a sultry, seductive voice. Of course, it was a little strange waking up to the sound of Farinella's voice on the PA system at 6 in the morning when the sun hadn't even come up yet, but it only took a few seconds though to think if that it what it is like to wake up next to him all the time and that got me all warmed up. The Team Seagal campsite slowly came to life as we dined on the Professor's homemade pancakes, coffee, bananas, and middle fingers:
Preparations were slow as we went to register. Upon arriving at the staging area, I was met by representatives of Team Baby Arm:
(Dr. Shlongenheimer came down shortly after this photo was taken.)
This is a very important race, with lots of important people, so you have to look your best:
We lined up for the running start, and emerged from the mist like storied vikings from the halls of Valhalla:
My first lap was about as successful as last years' lap - cold, wheezing, and right when the first signs of a groove started to emerge, I get a flat tire at the spillway. The difference this year was the multiple hub-to-knee-deep creeks that constantly baptized everyone's lower halves. The rest of the course has some slick roots, but really, this trail was in great shape. 5 Minutes after I *should* have rolled in, I roll in and sent The Professor out for his first lap of Council Bluff. Ever.
He rolled in less than 1:10 later, his mind dripping from his ears, speaking in tongues:
He sent Gino off on his first lap, which would be a mere 30 seconds off the fastest SS lap, set by Mike Barro.
The day warmed up considerably as the sun came out, and the trail got a little faster except for the creek crossings, which made the 15 yards after each crossing muddy as hell. Along the way, we watched and cheered as all of our heroes emerged from the trees atop the Col du Campground, which I believe to be hallowed ground for all Missouri mountain bikers. Wendy was crushing off laps one at a time, never taking her eye off of her ultimate goal, and getting lots of help from Jim:
It was at one point on my third lap (her lap numbers were something like in the triple digits) that I passed her going up a steep hill, and said to her that she was my hero. I got the best wide-eyed, melted-brain, I've-been-at-this-all-day reaction as she said in a very exasperated tone "REALLY?!" That pretty much made my lap.
The Tropical Storm at one point seemed to be having a perfect storm of flat tires, which is never easy on one's fatigued state of mind. However, with some help from his Gu packet and his beard, he pressed on to the Hallowed Ground. Officer Nico was guided by his mustache, a group of Chinamen, and probably some obscure Phish concert to rattle off the laps. Personally, I didn't see a ton of those two jerks most of the day, as they were both up and riding most of the time:
When not being superior race support for his wife, Jim managed to get in some badass racing as well:
As did the Puncher of Cocks - it wasn't long after this photo that he lived up to his name and gave his teammate Todd a couple good sack-wacks for forgetting a wheel-wrench on a particularly un-lucky lap:
This race saw Jonathan Cold returning for the first time since his debut the last time that a race was held here at Council Bluff - the notoriously shit-filled, brake-pad-destroying Rim Wrecker this past spring:
So yeah yeah yeah... the riding was challenging, punishing, taxing, and above all, amazing. All day people were breaking shit - chains, tires, tubes, spokes, themselves, t'aints, and wrists. Well, they were snapping wrists, not breaking them. Let's get that terminology straight. But it wasn't until the sun was gone, the stars were out, and the temperature was down that we found out what all that blood, sweat and tears were for on the trail.
I'll tell you what all that shit was for - three Team Seagal podium appearances, with two of them being FIRST PLACE!
Wendy ran out of wrists to snap by the time she finished her 5th lap, and found out that she was in the lead, and even though she was ready to go out again, did not have to in order to keep position! It was certainly an emotional moment for her - It's rare to see such a strong person become overwhelmed.
Jim and his crew smashed souls in the Clydesdale class to achieve 2nd place, not quite dethroning Boob Jenkems, Corey Case and (I forget the name of the third guy) but definitely giving them the runs for their money:
(btw, who gave that confused vagrant up front a Pabst hat?)
In the SS class, I was chasing down Bryan Adams almost for my entire last lap, to come in less than 2min30s after him. That set Gino off chasing, in the dark, Mike Barro - a difficult task but one in which he found great success completing. Just so you all know, Gino Felino readily employs both superior attitude and superior state of mind, which makes him nearly oblivious to all adverse conditions. Going out for two back-to-back laps after dark is definitely a challenge, and it was not getting any warmer - something I noticed while waiting by the start/finish to relieve him in cse he were to come in from his first lap, unable to go out. I was as cold as a penguin's nutsack standing there. Fortunately for me, Gino's Pain Train to Glorytown did not stop at the station, but rather, merely slowed down to adjust clothing and get refueled for a final lap that required him to simply go out and not fuck up. Done and done, against some *VERY* stacked competition:
Anyone know a dentist that could implant that belt buckle onto my 'grill?'
Mike Barro got the fastest SS lap, and walked away with a saweet PBR Messenger bag:
We watched Mitch the Masher blow everyone's mind by lighting up the course and winning the prestigious 12hr Mens Solo class against some more super-stacked competition: D-Wayne and Zach Brace (and of course Nico and Masson!)
This is when things get a little fuzzy. And by fuzzy, I mean wooly, as in sheep + bike:
Fallen soldiers:
All day there was badass music being played (although .38 Special could have been omitted) and so I had to bust out my air guitar, of which I am a virtuoso:
I didn't hear any Mortician, but I will say that Farinella's metal growl sounds a lot like Will Rahmer of that band.
Furby was hammering out these push-ups - so much so that you might say he was.... ON FIRE!
There are many moar photos to be seen, check here for several links. I'm not sure how to express enough gratitude to the people who made this possible: Mesa for putting shitloads of time and energy into making this *the* best way to spend a weekend in October. Thanks to Dave Aholt with Pabst for support our sport and making this an even better event with tons of free schwag and money! Thanks to Forrest Taft, Ms. Forrest Taft, Marshall Lawson and Dave for keeping people motivated and providing for some fun times and motivation (and tons of badass photos... more to come) at the aid station on the Enough Boat Ramp! Thanks to ICCC for the *hot* pasta and meatballs! Thanks to "E-55" and Thrasher for some of the photos that were used here, as well.
We can't fucking wait till next year.
In the meantime, the final mountain bike Non-Race is this coming Saturday at Klondike Park! Another incarnation of the Hogsback Hill Climb, and two more events - the Donkey Kong Time Trial, and the Strip Mine Rodeo. 10AM, be at the end of the the Hogsback Trail where it meets the road. For those of you who want to do Bubba Night Cross that night at Suson Park later that day, don't worry - this will not be a crazy day of leg-draining miles, so you should still have plenty left in the tank. Friday night there will be campsites reserved, so feel free to come and stay but be prepared to par-tay.
Stay tuned, for there is plenty moar to come.
I love mountain biking.
-Casey F. Ryback
P.S. Can you guess whose ass this is?
We started the race mere mortals, and ending the race frozen, reborn, and with greater mental and physical fortitude than could have ever possibly been imagined by our weaker selves. Things overheard at our campsite:
Todd: "Geez, I've 'met more Chinamen' this weekend than I have in the past year total!"
Nico: "Not me..." (Business as usual for Mr. Asian Experience himself, Norcorn Torscornor.)
Team Seagal HQ saw fit to send *quite* the deployment to this year's race. A squad consisting of Gino, Professor Robert Burns, and myself (Casey F. Ryback) was at the front lines of the 12hr 3-man SS class, as well as another squad populated by the 1X1 Head himself, Punchor of Cocks, and 'Jonathon Cold'. Mustache Toscani once again took the path involving the most amount of pain in the 12hr Solo class, although this year he had company in the form of Masson Storm who figured that it wouldn't be painful enough to simply join Opus Dei and start a regimen of self-flagellation. So instead, why not ride around Council Bluff for 12 hours? The female half of Team Trail Monster was fighting the good fight in the 12hr Women's Solo category, and let us not forget the other half of Team Trail Monster joining in the 3-man Big Boy Class with two buddies. All in all, we had 10 soldiers racing, with Marshall Lawson and Forrest Taft giving new meaning to the term "manning the aid station" down at the boat ramp. I'll just say that you could get much more than just aid down there. And let's not forget our very important and very supportive friend and Pabst rep, Dave Aholt - from whom, many things are made possible. (Was that too biblical?)
There are many people (mostly people who didn't race) whining about how sloppy it would probably be, and how cold it would get. Coincidentally, that caused me to start whining about how sandy their vuh-jay-jays looked. Sure, Friday (and Saturday) night it got pretty cold, but let's be honest - transcendence into glory does not come easily, and these are only some of the small trials that all racers must face on the path that leads to the glorious halls of infamy.
I got there late, having not stopped at the beloved porno shack on the way down, just in time to party down. A few hours of sleep later, I awoke to sound of a sultry, seductive voice. Of course, it was a little strange waking up to the sound of Farinella's voice on the PA system at 6 in the morning when the sun hadn't even come up yet, but it only took a few seconds though to think if that it what it is like to wake up next to him all the time and that got me all warmed up. The Team Seagal campsite slowly came to life as we dined on the Professor's homemade pancakes, coffee, bananas, and middle fingers:
Preparations were slow as we went to register. Upon arriving at the staging area, I was met by representatives of Team Baby Arm:
(Dr. Shlongenheimer came down shortly after this photo was taken.)This is a very important race, with lots of important people, so you have to look your best:
We lined up for the running start, and emerged from the mist like storied vikings from the halls of Valhalla:
My first lap was about as successful as last years' lap - cold, wheezing, and right when the first signs of a groove started to emerge, I get a flat tire at the spillway. The difference this year was the multiple hub-to-knee-deep creeks that constantly baptized everyone's lower halves. The rest of the course has some slick roots, but really, this trail was in great shape. 5 Minutes after I *should* have rolled in, I roll in and sent The Professor out for his first lap of Council Bluff. Ever.
He rolled in less than 1:10 later, his mind dripping from his ears, speaking in tongues:
He sent Gino off on his first lap, which would be a mere 30 seconds off the fastest SS lap, set by Mike Barro.
The day warmed up considerably as the sun came out, and the trail got a little faster except for the creek crossings, which made the 15 yards after each crossing muddy as hell. Along the way, we watched and cheered as all of our heroes emerged from the trees atop the Col du Campground, which I believe to be hallowed ground for all Missouri mountain bikers. Wendy was crushing off laps one at a time, never taking her eye off of her ultimate goal, and getting lots of help from Jim:
It was at one point on my third lap (her lap numbers were something like in the triple digits) that I passed her going up a steep hill, and said to her that she was my hero. I got the best wide-eyed, melted-brain, I've-been-at-this-all-day reaction as she said in a very exasperated tone "REALLY?!" That pretty much made my lap.
The Tropical Storm at one point seemed to be having a perfect storm of flat tires, which is never easy on one's fatigued state of mind. However, with some help from his Gu packet and his beard, he pressed on to the Hallowed Ground. Officer Nico was guided by his mustache, a group of Chinamen, and probably some obscure Phish concert to rattle off the laps. Personally, I didn't see a ton of those two jerks most of the day, as they were both up and riding most of the time:
When not being superior race support for his wife, Jim managed to get in some badass racing as well:
As did the Puncher of Cocks - it wasn't long after this photo that he lived up to his name and gave his teammate Todd a couple good sack-wacks for forgetting a wheel-wrench on a particularly un-lucky lap:
This race saw Jonathan Cold returning for the first time since his debut the last time that a race was held here at Council Bluff - the notoriously shit-filled, brake-pad-destroying Rim Wrecker this past spring:
So yeah yeah yeah... the riding was challenging, punishing, taxing, and above all, amazing. All day people were breaking shit - chains, tires, tubes, spokes, themselves, t'aints, and wrists. Well, they were snapping wrists, not breaking them. Let's get that terminology straight. But it wasn't until the sun was gone, the stars were out, and the temperature was down that we found out what all that blood, sweat and tears were for on the trail.
I'll tell you what all that shit was for - three Team Seagal podium appearances, with two of them being FIRST PLACE!
Wendy ran out of wrists to snap by the time she finished her 5th lap, and found out that she was in the lead, and even though she was ready to go out again, did not have to in order to keep position! It was certainly an emotional moment for her - It's rare to see such a strong person become overwhelmed.
Jim and his crew smashed souls in the Clydesdale class to achieve 2nd place, not quite dethroning Boob Jenkems, Corey Case and (I forget the name of the third guy) but definitely giving them the runs for their money:
(btw, who gave that confused vagrant up front a Pabst hat?)In the SS class, I was chasing down Bryan Adams almost for my entire last lap, to come in less than 2min30s after him. That set Gino off chasing, in the dark, Mike Barro - a difficult task but one in which he found great success completing. Just so you all know, Gino Felino readily employs both superior attitude and superior state of mind, which makes him nearly oblivious to all adverse conditions. Going out for two back-to-back laps after dark is definitely a challenge, and it was not getting any warmer - something I noticed while waiting by the start/finish to relieve him in cse he were to come in from his first lap, unable to go out. I was as cold as a penguin's nutsack standing there. Fortunately for me, Gino's Pain Train to Glorytown did not stop at the station, but rather, merely slowed down to adjust clothing and get refueled for a final lap that required him to simply go out and not fuck up. Done and done, against some *VERY* stacked competition:
Anyone know a dentist that could implant that belt buckle onto my 'grill?'Mike Barro got the fastest SS lap, and walked away with a saweet PBR Messenger bag:
We watched Mitch the Masher blow everyone's mind by lighting up the course and winning the prestigious 12hr Mens Solo class against some more super-stacked competition: D-Wayne and Zach Brace (and of course Nico and Masson!)
This is when things get a little fuzzy. And by fuzzy, I mean wooly, as in sheep + bike:
Fallen soldiers:
All day there was badass music being played (although .38 Special could have been omitted) and so I had to bust out my air guitar, of which I am a virtuoso:
I didn't hear any Mortician, but I will say that Farinella's metal growl sounds a lot like Will Rahmer of that band.Furby was hammering out these push-ups - so much so that you might say he was.... ON FIRE!
There are many moar photos to be seen, check here for several links. I'm not sure how to express enough gratitude to the people who made this possible: Mesa for putting shitloads of time and energy into making this *the* best way to spend a weekend in October. Thanks to Dave Aholt with Pabst for support our sport and making this an even better event with tons of free schwag and money! Thanks to Forrest Taft, Ms. Forrest Taft, Marshall Lawson and Dave for keeping people motivated and providing for some fun times and motivation (and tons of badass photos... more to come) at the aid station on the Enough Boat Ramp! Thanks to ICCC for the *hot* pasta and meatballs! Thanks to "E-55" and Thrasher for some of the photos that were used here, as well.
We can't fucking wait till next year.
In the meantime, the final mountain bike Non-Race is this coming Saturday at Klondike Park! Another incarnation of the Hogsback Hill Climb, and two more events - the Donkey Kong Time Trial, and the Strip Mine Rodeo. 10AM, be at the end of the the Hogsback Trail where it meets the road. For those of you who want to do Bubba Night Cross that night at Suson Park later that day, don't worry - this will not be a crazy day of leg-draining miles, so you should still have plenty left in the tank. Friday night there will be campsites reserved, so feel free to come and stay but be prepared to par-tay.
Stay tuned, for there is plenty moar to come.
I love mountain biking.
-Casey F. Ryback
P.S. Can you guess whose ass this is?
20091005
Congratulations to our 2009 Singlespeed Class Champion!
Team Seagal Freedom Fighters, Rejoice! In this day in age, we need good news to shepherd is through the tough times. Fortunately, today we have some of that good news. Made official in Warsaw, MO, our very own Punchor of Cocks has secured First Place in the Singlespeed Class season-long points race! Persistance, determination, and a healthy supply of PBR were all things that contributed to his never-ending motivation. Here, we see the plaque, which proves that at least one of us has some talent:
When told about the award, this baby broke into song - "Don't Stop Believin'"
"Hold on to that feeee-linnnnn!!"
We'll be sure to carry this success into the upcoming Burnin' at the Bluff! There are only 6 days left until the starting cannon is fired!
-Casey F. Ryback
P.S. (Burnin's almost here...)
When told about the award, this baby broke into song - "Don't Stop Believin'"
"Hold on to that feeee-linnnnn!!"
We'll be sure to carry this success into the upcoming Burnin' at the Bluff! There are only 6 days left until the starting cannon is fired!
-Casey F. Ryback
P.S. (Burnin's almost here...)
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